Paranoia

I am hiding out in my room. I feel like crap right now and E.H has a bunch of friends round, they're all laughing in the back 'garden' and I can hear them through the window. My paranoia is rearing its foul face again and I feel like they're all laughing at me, even though I can hear what they are saying. Whenever I miss a word I get that creeping panic. I have to go downstairs in ten minutes to get food out of the oven. I hope they are gone by then.
I hate this.

Stress

Feeling crappy due to sore throat and a stuffy head, not to mention work overload. I've finished for the night. I sat in the kitchen because I couldn't concentrate amongst the clutter of my room. I sat there for 6 hours, typing away and flipping through the gargantuan pile of books (10) beside me. Too much, man. This essay is killing me, mostly because of the amount of procrastination I've been doing on it. I guess that's a stress thing. I never thought of myself as some one who gets stressed over work, but I guess I am; probably only because I know that this year counts. GCSEs and A levels ... no one really looks at those, they're just stepping stones leading up to this. I am in the final level of a game here- the points I gather in this section make my final score.
I thought I would read a fanfic to make myself feel better. I found a really amazing one here, but it isn't exactly cheery. Still, I do feel better for having read it, just because it is so perfect.
I think that once this essay is done (and the presentation for next week), I will take a break from the computer, perhaps just for a day or two. Of course I still have poetry to edit, so I can't make it too long. Oh, and fanfiction to write because I have deadlines for those too. Not that I mind that, these latter are fun deadlines (:

Abyss

I am so tired. This is a common complaint of mine, but usually it is due to an 'unsociable' sleeping pattern and too many hours in bed. Now I have a socially acceptable pattern but I am only getting seven or eight hours a night and that isn't enough. My most productive time of the day is the evening but now I am just so tired when that comes around. I keep waking up at 9 even though I want a lie in. It's so annoying, and even if I go to bed early I can't sleep for three or four hours due to my hard mattress and the inability to switch off my brain.
I want to read Dead Until Dark and edit my newest poem but I can't because I have this stupid essay due in for Monday (which I still am not clear about- but my teacher is a pile of poo and wont explain things to me- so I am just going to have to wing it) and I want to do my Louis-meets-Azazel fic but can't until after this and the presentation the week after.
I woke up the other day and realised why I went into further and higher education in the first place. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, I love learning about my chosen subjects; but really it is all just to delay stepping into the abyss that awaits me. As soon as I step out of education I will fall into this black hole and I don't know if I'll be able to crawl back out of it again. I'm approaching the end of my 2nd year. Uni is going all to quickly and darkness awaits. Frankly, it's terrifying.
And I am coming down with a cold. This is going to be such a fun weekend!
All in all I am not a happy bunny at the moment. Oh well.

Ficathon

Last night was very good. I didn't dance as I hadn't had nearly enough to drink (although I was drunk enough to continuously poke the security guard in the bum ((not that kind of poking, you sickos)). For some reason this amused me, but I woke up thinking 'Why the hell did I do that?'). We went home at around 3ish, half-carrying Roisin and watched Garth Marenghi's Darkplace for a bit.
I have my ficathon prompt (contest in which you choose one character and then are given another character from a seperate fandom and have to make them meet- a bit like consequences I suppose). I chose Louis de Point du Lac and was given Azazel, so this should be interesting. I was hoping to get a really cracky character, but I can make this one very dark. I can always add an element of crack in there if I want to. Vampire meets demon; anything could happen, surely?
This is the link, although you can not sign up anymore.

Shipping a Slash (or slashing a ship)

I am going out later. This is good. I hardly ever go out because I am half a hermit.
I am reading about Norse myth at the moment, it's very interesting. I bought a book on it a few years ago, which I never opened until I pulled it out of the cupboard yesterday.
Also, I realised that you can not ship a slash. Shipping means supporting a heterosexual relationship, slash refers to a homosexual one. Although I'll probably use both terms regardless. Depends.
I like the idea of slashing a ship. Ruining the ship by creating a far more plausible slash relationship. Yay.

Gentle Tides

I am in the best place ever right now. You know when you've just finished a really amazing story? That feeling is the best feeling in the world. Those few moments when your head is filled with gentle waves as the memories of words lap back into your conciousness before drifting out to foreign lands.
This is one of the best fanfiction stories I have ever read ...

Obsession & Guilt

I'm posting too much. I apologise.
I feel a little bad for basically telling E.H and E.H2 that everyone hates them. Not for E.H, I doubt he gives a shit, and his voice coming through the floor ("Go on son, get him!") as he's watching football or some other sports game is annoying me, but for E.H2 (I know, this name-concealing thing is confusing). I've upset her, I think. But she hated me anyway; she's always quite rude and makes sneery remarks that you can barely catch under her breath. I really don't like her, but for some reason upsetting her makes me feel bad. It's very silly.
On a plus note, however, I'm writing fanfiction again (this is good for me, but perhaps not so good for anyone who tries to read it); realising the Dean/Castiel ship has made me even more obsessed with the show than I already was.